Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Open Letter to the Guy Who Broke Into My Car And Stole My GPS Unit

Hey Jackass,
Thanks a lot. You broke my car's window for a refurbished Magellan which only cost 79 bucks in the first place. Way to pick 'em, fucker. No one is going to want to buy the unit from you with a big "RF" imprinted on it. But obviously you ain't so bright in the first place or else you'd have a fucking job and wouldn't need to break into people's cars to steal their shit.

Oh, and by the way, in case you hadn't noticed I'm broke. I live in the same crappy apartment complex you do, fuck face, which is why I bought a refurbished GPS unit. And not only am I minus a Magellan now, thanks to you and your brilliance I am now $500 in the hole because of your stupid ass. I have to replace my window, jackass - you know, the one you smashed to steal the refurbished magellan?

By the way, if I see my Magellan in your car, I'm going to smash your fucking windshield, take it back, and leave a big fucking turd on the driver's seat. Then I'm going to put multiple screws face up under each tire, so when you pull out you'll be inserting screws into your fucking tires. Then I'm going to wait a few weeks and bash in your new windshield. I will wait in the bushes for you, dressed as a goddamd clown and bust your kneecaps with a baseball bat while giggling the whole time.

Then I'm going to visit you in your dreams and kick your ass again. There is no escape.

Needless to say, you are totally fucked. Maybe you should have stayed in school.

-Carol

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Definitely do the bit with the clown suit. It will haunt him for life.

wafflehousel said...

I agree, I mean I know it would disturb *me* for life :)